


The Gang Crashes a Behavioral Science Conference

by AnnetheCatDetective



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Dancing, Fake Identities, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-14 02:18:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14125977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnetheCatDetective/pseuds/AnnetheCatDetective
Summary: Oops yeah here I am writing this pairing...Teen for entirely non-sexy reasons.





	The Gang Crashes a Behavioral Science Conference

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt:**
> 
> i know nobody's cared about this ship since 2014, but how about some charlie/scientist guy, because why not? anything cute with a rating of G or Teen, please :~)

"This vacation suuucks." Charlie says, over the rhythmic thud of his forehead against the hotel room window. "Why did we leave Philly, how many times do I even have to tell you, like--?"

 

"Look, we _barely_ left Philly, it doesn't even count as leaving Philly." Dennis snaps.

 

"I mean look at the weather out there." Dee wanders over, pulling the curtain back further, and sounding far too amused. "Dennis, what were you even thinking?"

 

Charlie bangs his head harder against the window, wordless whine rising in intensity as she goads Dennis into an argument about the ruined vacation, as Dennis tries to blame everything on Frank, who had disappeared at one point, and who had booked the five of them a single room.

 

Frank was AWOL and Dee had claimed one of the beds already and said she wouldn't share, and the other bed wasn't big enough for three people, and Charlie just knows that means Mac and Dennis are going to make him sleep on the little loveseat in the alcove near the door because he's the shortest, but he hates sleeping alone, he hates being outside Philly, he hates that he'll be that close to the door so that if a crazy murderer breaks into the hotel room he'll get killed first and his screams will wake the others and they'll probably be fine and he'll be dead, so he probably just won't sleep at all, but he tried to fold it out and it wouldn't even fold out, so Frank won't be able to join him if he does come back, and the freak storm means they're stuck in the hotel anyway.

 

"Guys, we should explore." Mac breaks in.

 

It's stupid enough to get Dennis and Dee to stop bickering, it's stupid enough that Charlie thinks it's stupid, and he usually thinks Mac is pretty on top of things. Not all the time, but a lot of the time anyway.

 

"We can't explore, jackass, we're trapped in the hotel."

 

"We can explore the _hotel_. The room is charged to Frank, right? So we could put everything on the room's tab if there's like a bar in the hotel."

 

"Ooh, or a restaurant." Dee nods. "I could go for some classy-ass hotel food."

 

"Or a spa." Dennis smiles slowly.

 

"So can we please do something?"

 

"I think we should go do something." Dennis says.

 

Which decides things for everyone, Charlie guesses. He doesn't really want to explore the hotel, he wants to go home, because he's already been told the hotel's indoor pool has rules like 'you can't just swim in your clothes' and 'don't eat a sandwich in the hot tub' and 'no ruining'-- that one was on the sign and maybe the others were on the sign, and Dennis, the bastard man, said rule number two was 'No unsupervised Charlies' and so he would need to convince someone else to go with him and they all had other things they wanted to do and Frank tucked and rolled out of the car when they pulled into the parking garage and said something about whores, so he wouldn't be free to supervise Charlie either, either, but this time Charlie believes Dennis about the sign because it definitely said NO and it could have easily said UNSUPERVISED and then there was a CH and an L and an R and an E, Charlie. 

 

Which just makes this the worst hotel in the world, why couldn't it have been a pool that didn't allow unsupervised Macs or Dennises? That would show them, they'd be begging Charlie to supervise them so they could hang out in the pool.

 

Dee commandeers the bathroom to change in, which leaves the three of them scrambling to dress up nice before she gets out, because it would take too long to all take turns and whatever, and Dennis thinks they should dress up nice and make up fake names and have fun or whatever, like it's some big fun thing, but Charlie honestly does not care if he's not going to get to go to the pool-- and he's not, so he just wears his jeans and tee shirt from the drive and presses his face against the window to feel the cold of the storm outside while Dennis and Mac put on fancy suits.

 

Everyone else packed fancy stuff. Charlie packed a five pound bag of gummy bears, three tee shirts, his long underwear, and a shirt with a collar just in case. So it's all pretty whatever in his opinion. But the rest of the gang looks nice, so he follows them out into the hall and down the elevator and he figures he'll probably stick with Mac and go to the hotel bar when Dennis and Dee split off to do other stuff.

 

On the first floor of the hotel, there's a big room full of people, and that room has an open bar and a bunch of sliders. The people are mostly just talking, there's music playing softly, and the sliders have so much cheese, he would be an idiot not to go for it.

 

"Ooh, drinks and slider room." Charlie heads for it-- Mac and Dennis grab his arms and point out the sign out front, which does not just say 'free booze and sliders', but some long-ass thing.

 

"It's a conference, dummy." Dennis says. "For behavioral scientists."

 

"Well..." Dee leans against the sign. It falls over, and she catches herself against the door. "--dammit-- Well, Dennis, what is behavioral science if not just that thing that we studied in college?"

 

"Psychology? Which, I mean, only one of us finished studying--"

 

"But only one of us majored in--"

 

"The subtle differences would go right over your head, Dee."

 

"But we understand all this stuff." She argues.

 

"... Are you saying we should sneak in and pretend we're scientists? Because I'm down, that's a free bar." Mac says.

 

"Well, first of all, Mac, you could never-- and Dee could never-- pass for an actual scientist. But yeah, let's do that. I mean I think I could pull it off, even if you guys get kicked out."

 

"Last person to get kicked out wins." Mac lets go of Charlie to offer Dennis his hand. "We all put five bucks in, winner takes all."

 

"Well that's easy, I'm basically just taking your money, you fools, of course I'm in." Dennis slaps his hand down on top of Mac's, wincing when Dee smacks hers down right on top of his.

 

"I'll take that bet. Here, give Charlie the cash, he's gonna be the first one kicked out, that makes him an impartial judge."

 

"Okay, sure, gonna go get a slider." Charlie nods, tapping her hand and collecting the money before slipping into the slider room.

 

He can hear them come in behind him, making up fake names and credentials for themselves and arguing over their cover identities. That was the problem with the elaborate cover identities-- they all went in wanting to be the most important and then instead of backing each other up they fought about it. That's why Charlie thinks it's best not to be in the group-- they all want to play this game, he just wants a slider, and he's not getting kicked out before he gets it.

 

"What kind of cheese is on this baby?" He asks the guy manning the buffet table.

 

"That one's an aged cheddar, and this one is brie--"

 

"Great." He grabs one of each, grinning brightly. This is better than a stupid pool with stupid rules. All he has to do is not get kicked out first and then maybe he could convince Mac or Dee to go to the pool with him, since they'd already have gotten food and alcohol here.

 

He eats both sliders in the corner, where no one notices him to kick him out, before heading for the bar. Someone is already hustling Mac out of the room while he says something about karate...

 

"One of your finest cocktails, my good man." He says to the bartender, because it seems like what a classy guy would say, a guy who belonged here. Probably what everyone said, and he's going to fit right in.

 

"What kind of cocktail...?"

 

"Your finest?"

 

"Mister Kelly?"

 

That was a voice from just past his elbow, and so Charlie turns. Recognition dawns on him slowly. The scientist who hadn't made him smarter that time.

 

"Hey, you." He greets. "How's the science going for you? I have not done any experiments since the last time we talked... mostly doing other things."

 

This could be bad. The scientist knows he's not one. He knows all about the placebo effect, and everything. He could get Charlie kicked out. Then again, he already had his sliders, and he could just get drunk at the bar with Mac...

 

But if he doesn't get kicked out, he could go back for more sliders...

 

"The science is going very well for me, thank you." The man smiles, head tilting to one side. "I didn't expect to see you here..."

 

"I know, right? Um... but is it cool that you're seeing me here?"

 

"What am I making you gentlemen?" The bartender interrupts.

 

"Uh, rude. Your finest cocktail, please. As I have already requested."

 

"Two manhattans." The scientist says, and once they're made he passes one off to Charlie. "Should I even ask?"

 

"About me? Oh, um... Yeah, just... just hanging out. You know, because of my, uh... experiences. Okay, it's because they have these really good sliders." He admits, as they move away from the bar and the crowd.

 

"The brie and arugula, wasn't that to die for?" The scientist groans. Charlie grins.

 

"Anything with cheese on it is good by me. This drink is good, I like this. This is their finest cocktail, huh?"

 

"It's a pretty good one at least." He chuckles.

 

They wander towards a table of empty glasses as they drink, depositing them there. Away from all the other people who might say 'hey, that guy's not a scientist, that guy's just wearing a tee shirt and jeans and he doesn't even have a nametag. That guy's probably a janitor who can't even go to a pool unsupervised'. He doesn't know why the scientist isn't kicking him out, but he's not going to question it.

 

"We could go back and get more sliders." Charlie suggests. Their drinks are empty. He isn't kicked out yet.

 

"We could do that, yes. I... I really am not sure how you're here. I think it's actually nice to see you."

 

The music changes, and Charlie forgets, for a moment, that he was going to go load up on sliders before he could be removed from the conference room.

 

"Or we could dance. We should dance. This is a great song."

 

"No one's really dancing, Mister Kelly--"

 

"Charlie."

 

"Charlie."

 

Charlie is already shaking his ass to XTC. "I'm a pretty good dancer. Like pretty awesome. If you wanna have some fun, you science guys should get in on this. Make this into a party."

 

"I don't really dance."

 

"You should." He holds a hand out. After a moment, the scientist takes it, laughing nervously as he lets Charlie pull him along.

 

"People are going to stare."

 

"Nah. Or maybe. Because I have awesome moves. I almost won a, a dance contest once. Except I got _so_ sedated..."

 

"Really?"

 

"Yeah. Sabotage-- my moves were just very intimidating."

 

Over near the door, Dee is squawking about being removed and Dennis is laughing, and maybe some people are staring at Charlie dancing with the scientist, but some people are staring at them, too. And who even cares? Charlie is having a good time, that's all he cares about. He never thought he'd find himself having an actual good time on this trip, he hadn't wanted to go on this trip. But it's nice, and the Scientist is being really nice about his being there, and it just feels pretty great to dance.

 

"I can see why." The scientist laughs again a little, but it's not an asshole laugh. He finally matches Charlie's tempo, so they're moving in sync. "All right, let people stare. We'll just call it an informal study on the breaking of social mores."

 

"We're gonna break some eels?"

 

"Mores-- not as strong as a taboo, just-- Acting strange in public. In our case, to gauge the reaction of others-- Well, to have a good time. But we could say that it was... more scientific than that."

 

"Does that make me, like... your science partner?"

 

"Yes, for this. I suppose it does."

 

"Will they kick us out?"

 

"I shouldn't think so. No rule against dancing, just because no one else is. And... you're my research partner, in this little venture." The scientist gives him a conspiratorial grin. "And anyway, we're only dancing in the corner, which isn't much of a scene."

 

"Okay. Sweet. Because I do want to get more of those sliders, too. Hey, um... but would you do me a favor if they do kick us out?"

 

"Er, possibly? What favor would that be, exactly?"

 

"Would you take me to the pool? None of the gang was really into it. And Dennis is gonna win the bet and then he's just going to be, like, such a pain. Plus he's an asshole and he won't take me anyway, and by now Mac's probably getting drunk and I don't even know what Dee's doing or where Frank is..."

 

"Why can't you go to the pool on your own? Does one of your friends have your key card?"

 

"Oh-- Well-- No, see, it's because they don't let Charlies in without supervision." He explains. Apparently the scientist hadn't been down to the pool, or he'd have seen the sign. "Dennis told me, but I mean, like... I saw the sign, too."

 

The scientist stops dancing, expression almost stricken, and then he squares his shoulders. "And what bet is this Dennis going to win, exactly?"

 

"Oh, the bet to see who doesn't get kicked out the longest." He points over to where Dennis is talking to a couple of women.

 

"I see. Charlie, why don't you go and get another slider? I think we can figure out a pool solution."

 

"Yeah? Thanks, I'll owe you one." He grins, heading over to the buffet table. He sees the scientist whisper to a couple of people, before joining him to grab another slider for himself.

 

"You can go to the pool any time you like." He says.

 

"Really? Did you get the hotel guys to give me, like, special permission?"

 

"The sign was a misunderstanding. You're-- you're allowed, you don't need to worry about special permission. It's... It's children that can't be in the pool unsupervised, not Charlies." The scientist explains, expression pained.

 

Charlie laughs around a mouthful of slider. "Oh man, wait until I tell Dennis. And he calls me illiterate. He can't even read a dumb sign! Hey, Dennis!"

 

He turns, but Dennis is being hauled out of the room against his protests-- and while the women he'd been talking to hide laughter behind their hands.

 

"Oh, sweet, I just won the bet, dude."

 

"It would appear so."

 

"You wanna ditch this party and go to the pool?"

 

"I probably shouldn't. I'm supposed to be networking with my peers."

 

Charlie nods, loading himself up with as many sliders as he can carry. No point staying now that he's won-- and now that he can go to the pool whenever he wants. If there's no rule against Charlies, then there's probably no rule about wearing his clothes and eating in the hot tub, either. "You know where to find me if your science buddies don't know how to have fun. Thanks for-- like, stuff!"

 

"You're welcome." The scientist waves, watching him go.

 

Twenty minutes later, when Charlie has definitely ruined the hot tub by dropping half a slider into it, and is chilling out in the otherwise empty pool, the door opens, and the scientist slips in. Charlie grins and waves him over.


End file.
